I Hate Bumper Stickers

I cannot possibly express, without extensive cursing and waving of arms, how much I despise bumperstickers. I know countless people who find it desirable to let the people in the rear view in on their opinions about politics, sex, the environment, their religion and other drivers, but I can pretty much do without any of them.

There is a smugness attached to the driver of an older Volvo who packs slogans proclaiming that the “Goddess is risen,” that “Men are fashion accessories,” or that “Tofu is What’s For Dinner.” Or a crowing surliness associated with the guy in the pickup with the gunrack and stickers announcing his affiliation to the Marines, the NRA and his preening “Bad boys drive big bad toys,” or some such crap. Or the realtor whose car proclaims his/her/its status as a “Million Dollar Producer”and directs you to follow its driver "to your new home!" Yeah. Whatever.

My basic problem is simply this: people who express their opinion with slogans have usually never bothered to think about what it is that they are saying. They argue with slogans, chant slogans at public meetings, swap slogans and stickers (in much the same way they swap wives and spit), and broadcast the utter vacuousness of their mental processes with arrogant simplemindedness in conversation with others of similar acuity.

I must confess that in random moments in traffic, I have considered legislation that allows other drivers the opportunity to run bumpersticker clad autos from the road into abutments in an effort to improve the breed. But I suspect it would go nowhere; politicians use bumperstickers, too.