Strange Wonder

Guilt and cocktails.

I think that was nothing less than a brilliant answer from elphaba. I've thought about it a lot and chuckled to myself.

Motherhood is guilt and cocktails: Everything that is hard and self-defeating over and against everything that is sweet and liberating.

Amazing the amount of guilt a five month old can produce without even knowing it.

I didn't put him down in time. I put him down too soon. He's been hungry all this time? I think I'm overfeeding him. I wish he'd sleep; he needs it. Why is he sleeping so much? I'm not spending enough face time with it. His little brain needs lots of stimulation; I'll put him in his exersaucer. He's been in his exersaucer too long; I should be holding him.

But oh the sweetness! I can't kiss him enough or hold him too long. I wish I could stroke his face for hours, or nurse him without interruption or distraction. When he holds my finger and looks at my eyes and whispers the sweet, meaningful gasps of joy--oh, that it would never end.

But it does, and I can't stop it.

I needed help to understand. How could I hold on and let go? Why must the joy have such a sting? I hunted down Lewis' Weight of Glory to help.

What more, you may ask, do we want? … We do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words—to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it...That is why the poets tell us such lovely falsehoods. They talk as if the west wind could really sweep into a human soul; but it can't...Or not yet.

For if we take the imagery of Scripture seriously, if we believe that God will one day give us the Morning Star and cause us to put on the splendour of the sun, then we may surmise that both the ancient myths and the modern poetry, so false as history, may be very near the truth as prophecy.

At present...We discern the freshness and purity of morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendours we see. But all the leaves of the New Testament are rustling with the rumour that it will not always be so. Some day, God willing, we shall get in.

Wednesday Morning, the Sky over Aberdeen

The heavens looked like they were trying to touch the earth.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chilliest land
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

Emily Dickinson

I am a Mom. Far Out.

Last week I was in the card aisle at our local grocer's. As I stood there, scanning the racks for Mother's Day cards, pushing the cart back and forth in an effort to keep my little boy asleep, I had one of those incredibly silly moments.

I am a mother.

No longer just a daughter, just a granddaughter, just a daughter in law, this day was for me now, too. I was shopping for a card, but sharing in the experience, wishing for others what I hadn't thought about wishing for myself.

I, a mother? Thirty-two years of giving handmade cards, "coupons" for back rubs, flowers, and chocolate and suddenly I was thrust behind the sacred veil myself.

Oh, God, make me worthy of the name.

Convenient To?

That phrase is a real head-scratcher for me. I see this quite a bit in remarks for homes for sale.

"This home is convenient to a local park." Or "dining room is convenient to sun room."

Does "convenient to" work alone in a sentence? It strikes me as incorrect; like there are words missing.

What do you think?

"Oh Ha, Ha, Real Funny, Guys"

So someone at CraigsList is a comedian. Is that not the longest verification word EVER?

Is anyone paying attention yet?

It has to be blindingly obvious to anyone who is paying the least bit of attention to the news these days that the media is still in the tank for the President. Over the course of his still young presidency, he has produced gaffe after gaffe, error after blunder after botch, and still the cheering section praises his calm demeanor and his cool temperament. He is challenged by the Russians and backs down. He is fronted by the Iranians and nothing much happens. AIG executives get bonuses, and he is shocked, shocked that such a thing could occur, even though the bill that authorized it was shoved through at his behest. He considers taxing employee benefits to pay for universal health care and industry (cap and trade) to fund his various green power boondoggles, and is amazed when anyone objects to raising taxes in the midst of an economic deluge.

Contemplating his endless talking down of the economy in the interest of maintaining a crisis to pass his pet projects gives me heartburn. Let me simply point out that the few things necessary to actually clear the economic debris (suspending mark to market accounting, for one, would help immeasurably) left by the housing implosion remain undone in the interest of tightening regulations on the entire economy and finding scapegoats for the ongoing mess.

So why not just say it? As early along as this is, it is absolutely apparent that this Administration is woefully ill-prepared for the job at hand, and has the arrogance and moral certitude of a modestly educated teenage boy. And if the First Lady is to be believed, the boy and his friends are already partying hearty in the family quarters above the shop.

I have already pointed out to anyone who will listen (and a few who manifestly refuse to pay attention) that this current crowd is beginning to remind me eerily of the Carter Administration. The part that scares me the most is this: President Carter is looking much the better executive in comparison.