For your family that; for my family this:

"So, who is this guy?"
"Bib."
"Bib?"
"No, no, Bib. You know, like, uh, Bib Dylan?"
"Oh, Bob!"
"Oui, Bahb."

"Meanwhile, his lover..."
"Don't ever use that word again."
"All right, this bastard woman..."

"Do you believe in love? The kind that lasts forever?"
"I loved my mother."

"Those French! They hate us, they smoke, they have a whole relationship with dairy products I don't understand."

"Happy - smile. Sad - frown. Use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion."

"Fester, fester, fester. Rot, rot, rot."

"What do you think, the plane is going to crash and we are all on the ground in a thousand pieces dead? I promise you, if it happens, you won't feel a thing."
[an announcement is made in French]
"What was that? That sounded important!"
"The pilot said there is a crack in the engine, but not to worry, he'll take off anyway."

"Did you know there are 452 official kinds of cheese in this country, isn't that amazing? To find 452 ways to classify what is essentially a bacterial process?"

"When people tell me they are happy my a** begins to twitch."
"You'll be one of those grumpy old men sitting in the corner of a crowded cafe, mumbling to yourself, 'My a** is twitching. You people make my a** twitch."