Same job, different uniform.

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

The Now and the Not Yet

A friend of mine recently spotted the huge, laminated bank check made out to the nonprofit I used to manage. It's perched conspicuously on a shelf in our garage. What was it about, she wondered.

"I can't get rid of it. I'm so proud of the money I raised." And then I found myself nearly adding, "Believe it or not I used to do something productive and worthwhile in this world."

The implication of that unspoken thought...I shudder.

Today I am parenting a toddler and nurturing a future toddler in my womb.

Instead of clinic management it's whether or not to read a book, do "crafts" or schedule a play date that consumes my thought life. No more the preoccupation with soliciting our piece of the financial pie by positioning our small clinic as crucial to the health and welfare of Idaho's underserved. Brain development, spiritual development, physical development, and when my next nap is coming: these preoccupy my time.

I'd join the chorus of "moms have thankless jobs" except it isn't true. We know instinctively that we're doing something important and the thanks we get are the chubby, outstretched arms, the attentive look, the shared laugh. No one else snuggles with me the way my son does.

Knowing this, I still felt the tug to my old life and all its attractions and tangible rewards. In my secret soul, it felt like more productive work than marriage and parenting. My feelings (sight) was bumping right up against my faith. I suppose that rubbing will go on as long as I walk this earth in these shoes.


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Blogger Everyday Anne said...

So, so true. thanks for your thoughts!

Friday, November 18, 2011


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