Another classic Colbert

I hope this isn't too offensive for girlfriday's taste, but here goes . . .

Stephen Colbert on Katherine Harris using her own money to run for Congress:

"Now that takes some balls. Lady balls. That's what we call 'Thatchers.'"

Little Bo Beep

I will always contend that Bo Bice should have become our American Idol in 2005. What can I say, I have a thing for guys with long hair and a criminal record. I will always believe that some vast conspiracy is the only reason why Carrie Underwoood became the idol, because she was a more marketable contestant.

It would take a lot for me to stop being a fan of Bo Bice.

But, Bo,was this really necessary? We get it, you don't want to be considered a sell-out. Supposedly you don't want fame, that's why you once said you were glad you didn't win the coveted title. But a drunken bar fight?

Like I said, it would take a lot for me to stop liking Bo. If you didn't watch that season, you probably won't understand why. But he's not making it very easy for me.

"No Mommy, not today. Maybe yesterday but not today."

Maybe motherhood's best kept secret is that the trials are rewarded by a million sacred moments, like your son trooping through the house wearing nothing but a backpack and earnestly telling you, "No Mommy, not today. Maybe yesterday but not today."

PS: Would someone notify Blogger that motherhood is a word? Meteoroid is not a suitable replacement.

04.26.06

I was early to work.

Does anyone have a camera?

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make us instruments of your peace.
Where there is hatred let us sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, union;
Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that we may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen

These Boots are Made for Attracting Men

Traveln' Fool has asserted that feet are a "serious sexual distraction" for men.

Are they? Is this common knowledge that has escaped me? I admit to having a bit of a foot fetish, but looking at men's feet in a pair of shoes doesn't exactly...register.

Weigh in.

Spare Me Your Pathetic Attempts at Wit

"If you've reached this recording it means I'm probably in class or just don't want to talk to you. Leave a message if you want me to call you back. If you don't leave a message I'll assume you don't want anything."

Is it impossible to be clever and unsarcastic? Has insult trumped wit?

We Have Met the Shoe Salesman and the Shoe Salesman is Us

In the mail room I ran into a familiar looking man. Having never met a stranger, I turned and said, "Hey, do you sell shoes at Macy's?"

"Yes, I do," he replied with the slightest blush.

"You've sold me two pair of shoes!" I exclaimed and shook his hand; too vigorously I suppose.

These are the pair I finally decided on. I was there at least three times trying some on.

I take my shoes seriously.

And now I'm on a first name basis with the shoe guy at Macy's. Who works in my office. And I remembered him. Huh.

(There isn't a punchline.)

Check Your Children at the Door

A gentleman named Gary Lamb has posted an update on his blog explaining his church's new "no-children" rule. You may read the whole thing here, but it's not difficult to explain: No young children allowed in the service.

Generally I am of two minds about this though I disagree with Lamb's policy and his rationale is terrible.

Churchgoers are human beings. Attending worship has not made us above being distracted and annoyed. We don't have a "right" to listen to a sermon without interruption, but common courtesy dictates removing a noisy child from the service. Unfortunately common courtesy is scarce and indulgence frequently trumps responsibility.

I also have to wonder, at what point does it defeat the purpose of attending worship if you miss the service because you are in the hallway with your child?

On the other hand, as Ms. Neidlinger (who is on a roll) points out, "suffer the little children to come unto Me" can hardly mean forbidding them to attend worship with their parents because they have a propensity to squirm. Or because you have a vision to be a church that turns away families in the sanctuary.

And let's be honest. There are a fair number of teenagers that can't sit through church without two visits to the bathroom. I doubt a "no teenagers" rule will surface at Mr. Lamb's church anytime soon.

Isn't there a compromise? Perhaps the conscientious parent who has a child that absolutely will not sit through service can consider the nursery from time to time. Conversely the indulgent parent should consider whether or not their children's ability to sit through service is due in part to their unwillingness to try it.

And maybe, if God will help us, we will all "in honor, give preference to one another." Even the kiddos.

Typo On the Label-Maker

Say "fgtyr" out loud and with a Scottish accent.

What do you hear?

girlfriday: free advice

Don't ask God to "show you yourself."

It won't be pretty.

UPDATE: While we're on the subject of tough love, Ms. Neidlinger takes a horse-whip to the soul.

I can take Chloe Sullivan.

Not that I'd want to.

But do you think of her as a girlfriday? We are speaking, of course, of the perky, nine-lived sidekick on Smallville.

She has been dubbed Girl Friday by some crazed devotee.

There is only room in this town for one of us.

"These are but wild and whirling words."

In pursuit of assurance I listen for the words spoken just so. I wait for the verbal panacea. I assure myself that confession is sufficient.

My brother reminds me that love is a verb.

Someone, at great cost to himself, has given faith its hands and feet. He speaks with Love's firmest, loveliest voice:action. Where words could not satisfy, example has.

Bend and Break

I am intrigued by my sister's hypothesis that the reason we don't see better manners from employees in customer service jobs is they don't recognize their behavior as bad. Their expectations for human behavior have become so low; the lack of common courtesy is a reflection of this. They're not being rude! On the contrary, they're acting in perfect accord with the Golden Rule, treating us with as much indifference as they would like to be treated.

Finally, an efficient way to spend one's time...

Do the math.

If You Couldn't Smell it, a Rose By Any Other Name Would...?

As kids my brother and sisters and I would speculate which of the five senses we would sacrifice. I cannot imagine a scenario where we could hand-pick our affliction but this is the stuff childhood is made of.

Which of the five senses would you surrender?

As for the one that would be the hardest to live without I have always wavered between hearing and sight. But recently I've considered what my life would be like without the ability to taste.

I am a converted foodie. That is, I have always appreciated a square meal but only in the last five years have I begun to savor the really good stuff. I look forward to meals at Jeb's house because I know I will be spoiled with a gourmet dinner. When people have parties and don't serve food, I am disappointed. (Won't be going to THAT party again.) If I know someone hasn't planned for a meal or hors d'oeuvres, I ask, "What can I bring?" hoping to spark some interest in that wonderful pastime.

Yet. If I couldn't hear you? If I couldn't see you? If I couldn't touch you? I might give up my passion for food. You're worth it.

Aren't you?

If you didn't think Paris was the clear winner on American Idol tonight...

...then I can't trust your judgment on anything. Plus, you're reading this blog. You must have terrible taste.

UPDATE: I understand from a few conversations today that I missed early, key performances last night that outshone Paris. So my new motto is "Anyone but Ace."

Belief O'Matic to the Rescue!

Sounds so Brave-ish, doesn't it? Except that world wouldn't bother about belief.

If you're not sure which religion you are, the Belief O'Matic can help.

Click here to be enlightened now.

"Why doesn't anyone post on your blog? You'll lose both of your readers."

So one of our two readers said to me on the phone.

When my time, interest or creativity fail, I refer you to the timely, interesting and creative. Today it is Julie Neidlinger, who has developed a series of "Dose of Reality" graduation slogans.

My favorite is Every class needs a student like you...who makes the upper 50 percent possible.

Read them all here.

Everybody Loves Snow

Is there an uncanny resemblence between John Snow and Peter Boyle?

Marketing, the Least Noble Among the Vocations

Right after all the others.

Durst not malign my profession without maligning your own. You have your gifts; I, mine. We may glorify God, or not. We may benefit ourselves, our peers, mankind, or not. We may pine after other callings, other realities, or not. Keep your vocation but do not belittle mine.

Nostalgic much?

Am I the only one who misses the Slayer?

A little Mulder and Scully wouldn't hurt either.

UPDATE: For those of you who can't be bothered to read the comments, HC refers to this article, that suggests the possibility of a Buffy resurrection. Not that she's dead. Again.

Was I There?

At the bottom of her email, she had this:

"Before we can begin to see the cross as something done for us,
we have to see it as something done by us."
John Stott

Sigh.

Annie Nicholson, Runner

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. "

1 Corinthians 9:24-25

Heaven has welcomed a world champion athlete.

This Just In

When they're not writing nonsense, Glib & Superficial is really smart without being impenetrable or insulting.

Raise your IQ. Read this post about global cooling and this one about the rioting in France.

Ignore the writer with the scary bear face. All he writes about is sports.

"This is not a drill."

Click now to save women's lives.

This is the banner ad that flashed across my screen as I checked my email this afternoon. It is a Planned Parenthood advertisement.

Stand with the States — Help us raise $50,000 this week!

This is the beginning of what extremists hope will be a chain of bans across the country—a direct, open attack on choice.

We have a bold new plan to stop this attack and win elections, with a clear message: Prevention, Not Punishment!

Now if their campaign is aimed at preventing abortions then for the first time I can find some common ground with Planned Parenthood. I suspect this is not the case. Why would we want to prevent choices? This is America, Land of the Free, Home of the Option.

Let us be honest. I will wear the label of extremism (fewer abortions, restrictions on certain kinds of choices) if Planned Parenthood will admit to the opposite extreme of arguing for unlimited choices for women.

In black and white it seems so benign. Unlimited choices; limited consequences. It is so sinister.