Same job, different uniform.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

"But This Becoming Is Harder Than It Seems"

Thank you, Michael Dubya for writing cheesy youth group songs that capture our longings as young people...and as adults, it seems.
This past year has been one of a lot of mixed emotions. It started with the end of my school year and teacher status and began with the birth of my son. Although I absolutely love the baby stage and many aspects of staying home full time with my children, there are numerous things that really frustrate me. Like the fact that I had written the first three sentences of this post and been interrupted by my 4 year old, Audrey, 6 times. "Can you play toy store with me? (which I did) Who is singing this song? Is that him? (pointing to the album cover of Go West Young Man) Can I have a snack? Can I have another snack?" And then she decided to engage in a very loud riling-the-dog-up session in the hallway right next to the open door where my 14 month old is sleeping.
I get very upset with her even though she is not doing anything wrong and then mad at myself for getting irritated. It is a viscous, viscous cycle of frustration and guilt.
On top of that there have been some unresolved life decisions going on. I do not do well with loose ends. "That's like saying Monica, you like things clean."
The effect has been a bunch of questions about what I want to be, who I want to be, some depression going on, taking things out on my hubby and children and definitely a gaggle of good things mixed in there.
Like any difficult time there is growth. Damned growing pains. Why must there be darkness before the day? I guess those people in the Arctic Circle might have a thing or two to say about perpetual day time. At any rate, I know that I finally have some spiritual momentum in my life. I've let myself be surrendered to the Holy Spirit's transforming power - allowing scripture, prayer and other positive things influence me instead of going with the flow. It may sound cliched, but it is all true for me and I can't think of another way to say it.
Finally, in the words of another cheesy youth group song writer: (at least back in the day)

"I always look to You when trouble calls my name;
But if I'm gonna say, "I love You",
I've gotta be faithful too .
The true test of my love will be
Did I follow you consistently,
Through the good and bad;
I want to be faithful too."

Thank you Jesus. Thank you SCC. And thank you to everyone who puts up with me in the middle of the "night."

P.S. I you haven't figured out the MWS song here is another clue: "Feels like I'm looking for a reason. Roaming through"

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Blogger "Molly McGee" said...

I'm pretty sure that the readers of this blog fall into two categories: those of us who don't need that second clue to figure out the song and those who would never figure it out even if given all the clues in the world.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Blogger elphaba said...

I wonder what category you fall into?? That is a puzzler.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Blogger Lois E. Lane said...

"...the night to find my place in this world, my place in this world."

Poignant post, elphaba. Thanks for sharing!

Thursday, July 31, 2008


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