girlfriday: Expectations, Surprises and Existential Ramblings

I started this blog around three years ago so my now-husband could keep track of me.

That noble beginning filled me, like a lot of bloggers, with lofty ideas about what I would write and who would read it. Oh for a place to post my existential ramblings (affectionately named by my brother).

Now, 758 posts later and a lot of sitting back and watching the other five contributors write, I'm thrilled with where this tiny corner of the Internet has wandered.

I used to get annoyed at posts that I thought were below me. Typical, proud little me.

It's gone a completely different direction, but still ended up where I hoped it would: simply bursting with compassion, diversity of thought, a lot of love, and fun.

Thanks, fellow writers, for making this a place I love to come again and again.

Quick Housekeeping Issue

Have you, this means YOU, updated your links in your blog to reflect our new URL: http://www.girlfridayblog.com/. If not, please do so.

Back to whatever you were doing.

girlfriday:basic telephone etiquette

When I call and announce myself, do not say, "Uh huh."

Remember You've Got Mail, when Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) lashes out at Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) when he tells her to "Just call [him] Joe."

"As though you were one of those stupid 22 year old girls with no last name? Hi, I'm Kimberly, hi I'm Janice. Don't they know you're supposed to have a last name? It's like they're an entire generation of cocktail waitresses."

When you say "uh huh" after I tell you who I am, I think of Kathleen Kelly. And I wonder why, after the hundreds of business calls you've made and answered, you haven't learned how to avoid sounding like a 14 year old.

For another tip, click here.

girlfriday: the courtesy of this return phone call does not, apparently, warrent your courtesy

When someone calls our company and leaves a voicemail, I get an email notification.

Somebody named Joe called. After the beep, he stayed on the phone for half a second, then hung up. Twice.

What if he meant potential business? I was in the mood to help. I called him back.

Me: Hi is this Joe?

Joe: Yes.

Me: This is Kate from Where I work. Were you trying to get a hold of us?

Joe: Oh, I guess you're not really interested in getting my business. You don't answer your phone.

Me: Well, we're not always at our phone, but how can I help you now?

Joe: You're not really that serious. I guess you're not really "the best" as your name implies.

Me: [Almost hang up.]Are you going to be rude or do you want me to help you?

Joe: There's this such-and-such I'm interested in.

Me: Okay, tell me about it.

[Some back and forth.]

Joe: You don't know immediately, and off the top of your head what I'm talking about? [paraphrase]

Me: No, I don't. There are thousands of things like the one you're talking about and we can't keep track of them all.

Joe: I was led to believe otherwise. I thought you would know everything, and at once.[paraphrase]

Me: Are you for real? [Inside voice.]

Joe: Well, maybe I'll have another look. Bye.

girlfriday: while I should be working

I don't get tired of these stories. I really don't.

Not just one, but more than a dozen huge creatures can be seen churning across Lake Kanasi in remote western China, leaving a foamy wake more like an enormous motorboat than a big fish.

girlfriday: Have a good one!

I said that today to the driver of the Dodge Ram. Shucks, I'm just one of the guys.

"Have a good one." That's what half my clients and vendors hear. That, and, "Take it easy!"

The rest know me as a "Take care" kinda gal. These I know better than others. Chances are good that I know something about their lives that would warrant a "I hope your son feels better soon" or "Send me a postcard!"

A handful of them get a sophisticated "talk soon." Those conversations are short and to the point. There is no messing around with "talk soon"-ers.

A girlfriday must be elegant, down-to-earth, professional, light-hearted, encouraging, firm, friendly, respectful, knowledgeable, simple.

And she must know when to be which.*

*She fails sometimes. Forgive her.

girlfriday:decorations for the criminally insane

Halloween is an excuse for adults to act like children. It is an occasion to be foolish and other and it doesn't do most people any harm. I no longer fear it as a day of the devil, though it's probably exploited in this way here and there.

Undoubtedly the least sinister but most distasteful use of the day is the application of gore in decoration (I use the term loosely).

Jack O' Lanterns, leering and magical, are pleasant, almost nostalgic in nature.

Stuffed bedsheets dangling in nooses from giant oaks, skeletons in varying stages of torture and death, poorly constructed tombstones dotting front yards--are tasteless.

Christmas was the exclusive exterior home-decorating holiday when I was growing up. Never content with anything less than extreme, Americans have taken to displaying every piece of commercialized junk that the nearest dollar store will produce. Halloween dominates.


The unfortunate trend has found its way into the office. Doors are draped in glowing bulbs painted to resemble eyeballs.

Witches are hanging from doorknobs.

Our neighbors even attempted to attach a giant, stuffed, motion-sensitive tarantula to their office door, but gave it up when the blasted spider wouldn't shut up.

Is this beauty? If not, why are we applying it to our walls and homes? For fun. As a diversion.

Yes. But when did fun dissolve into mere tackiness?

girlfriday: my best advice

(Perhaps it is not my best. If it were, it may not be worth listening to. But it is my best worldly advice.)

If you lack an air of confidence, fake it.

If you're scared to death, suppress it. Shake hands and smile, keep your back straight, pretend that your haircut is good and your toenails are painted.

If you don't know, choose: I will guess with flair, or I will keep silent. If you're wrong, you apologize with a laugh. If you're right, no one knows you guessed.

Do all of this with courtesy. And a smile. A great pair of shoes helps.

Self confidence is a lovely thing, a useful thing, though it is no great virtue. You don't have to be a confident person. But when when you need confidence (you will) and cannot summon it, pretend that you have. We promise not to know the difference.

girlfriday: my job may be humble, but

This poor soul was fired from her job at Blue Banana in Wales. Fired via text message.

This is progress? This is keeping in step with youth culture? By acquiescing to the demands of the smallest, crudest tendencies of some?

You don't respect me when you assume I am trite.

girlfriday: laying down my weapons of minor destruction

I cannot decide if email is more a butter knife or a sword so I have settled on the answer both.

It is a weapon, but it is such a lame one.

Its dangers lie in its function as an expression of our trepidation and false sense of familiarity.

Regarding trepidation. A few years ago, I shot off an email to a colleague who was (in my judgment) harassing one of my employees. I reasoned that a paper trail was more important than a face-to-face conversation. And, I was uncomfortable confronting her.

Her boss immediately called me to his office. Call her. Never handle sensitive personnel issues through email. Deal with this a different way. He was and remains a good friend. It was excellent advice.

Making phone calls to, let's say, raise money, reprimand an employee or colleague, or decline an invitation is uncomfortable at best. I am guilty of acquiescing to this discomfort; email has made it so easy. It is a battle to overcome this instinct and sometimes I lose. Pick up the phone, I tell my itching fingers.

As a convenience I am thankful for email. It is hard to overstate its usefulness. But crucial conversations demand a mode of communication fitting to the occasion. When we read, we insert our own inflections into the writer's voice. Email does not allow any room to manage this. If the subject matter is sensitive, if your palms are sweating, you know you need to close Outlook. Now.

Regarding familiarity. How well do you know the recipient? Email is strictly a way to communicate unless both parties have agreed to it as a mechanism for transacting business. Avoid relying on it when corresponding with strangers.

Do you really want to get a hold of someone? Unless they have specifically requested otherwise, be ready to abandon electronic communication and get that person on the phone. They have a phone number, don't they? Call them.

Beware the familiarity of email. It is a pretense. Occasionally it serves the purpose of creating a quiet distance between angry parties; a conversation would escalate into a fight. This is the exception, not the rule.

Email may have become commonplace, but people haven't changed.

They still want to be individually acknowledged.
They expect a real apology.
They want to be asked for things.
They want to be formally dismissed.

Email is so final, too. Like a bullet.

In the last month, I've received at least two emails about me that were not intended for me. I read them; there was no taking them back. Fortunately these offenses were minor; I was amused. I hope the writers were embarrassed, but I'll never know.

They didn't call.